Author: Nitin Agarwal

Wouldn’t it be grand if we could just wake up in the morning, brush our teeth and put on our confidence for the day?

Well, for those of us who don’t have a drawer full, here are 4 simple strategies that will help you build confidence.

1. Accentuate the positive.

Accentuate the effort it took in doing something, rather than the final outcome. The key is to accept that you have them without dwelling on them.

Be your own best friend. What do you tell a friend who’s tried something new, whether or not it turned out well? At least you tried something new- good for you!

1. Don’t be afraid to take some risks.

When you are about to embark on a new experience, do you spend your time worrying so much about the outcome you aren’t enjoying the moment? It opens up the possibility of you becoming good at that something if you look at new things in your life as a chance to learn something.

If you spend your time dreading the outcome, you’ll turn any opportunity there might have been into a failure. If you do, look at number one, again!

1. Use self-talk to keep assumptions away.

Build confidence by not expecting perfection from yourself at all times. You can only do your very best at something. Nobody can do everything perfectly, so why do you assume that you should be able to?

We all use self-talk. The key is to use it in a way that we don’t form bad thoughts that can lead to permanent doubts. Catch yourself using negative self-talk and cancel it with something positive and not based on assumptions!

1. Learn to rely on your self-evaluation.

Focus on the real you, inside, to find out how you feel about your own actions, how you’ve been doing your job, etc. You’ll be developing a strong sense of who you are.

It’s important to remember that no one can be self-confident all of the time. You’ll build confidence faster and easier once you’re realize that.

Because of unrealistic expectations, most people with low self-esteem or who lack in confidence are that way. They expect more from themselves than they do others.

You’ll always be wondering what they think if you always rely on the opinion of others! That does nothing to build confidence – it tears it down, by giving away your personal power to others.

What do you tell a friend who’s tried something new, whether or not it turned out well? At least you tried something new- good for you!

A person with low self-esteem will think nothing about calling him or herself a ‘stupid idiot.’ They wouldn’t dream of saying that to someone else. To build confidence, it’s a good idea to be your own best friend.

Catch yourself using negative self-talk and cancel it with something positive and not based on assumptions!

Build confidence by not expecting perfection from yourself at all times. To build confidence, it’s a good idea to be your own best friend.

How can the life of one man be changed by one woman – a woman he doesn’t know – one he had accidentally encountered in a fast food restaurant nearly two decades ago? How can meeting and listening to her speak for less than an hour, forever change the way he thought about and taught women’s self defense and rape prevention? Let me tell you.
Susan’s Story:
One Woman’s Story That Changed My Life (part 1).
I, like most men, had grown up in an era, much like those of the decades before, that collectively believed that women who were raped:.
1) Were never really raped at all. Instead they were mad at their boyfriend or “some-guy” for whatever reason and were using this as a weapon to “get him in trouble.” Or, worse yet,.

2) Were “asking for it” because of they way they dressed, talked, or presented themselves.
As for the first belief, I believe that this may happen occasionally. One would have to be living in a cultural vacuum to believe that this is the reason that a six-year-old tells that she was “touched and now it hurts,” or the nun who is found battered and bruised who reports that a she was sexually assaulted by a seventeen-year-old.
One of the ‘things’ that put me on the road that I eventually followed in becoming a police bodyguard, self and officer protection teacher, is my own inherent ‘distrust’ and rebellion against what we’ll call conventional wisdom. I can’t tell you how painful it has been for me to listen to law enforcement officials, lawyers, judges and even so-called self-defense experts expressing either or both of these same beliefs. Especially in light of all of the evidence that’s available.
Anyway, one day, several years ago, minding my own business, I find myself in a McDonald’s restaurant. This, coupled with the obvious discomfort displayed by the faces and bodies of the man and woman that were the recipients of the message.
What I found when I looked was a small woman, roughly in her late twenties but no more than thirty, talking to a couple at the next table. What I heard next, forever changed the way that I would talk about the subjects of rape and women’s self-defense.
You see, this woman, we’ll call her Susan, had been the victim of rape. By the time I met her, Susan had recovered significantly from what would be described today as post traumatic stress disorder – the traumatic mental and emotional aftermath of what began as a physical attack on her body. Unlike most victims of rape though, Susan had taken it upon herself to tell every woman – and man or men connected to her – her story, the lessons she had learned, most of all, to learn how to protect herself!
I think that part of the reason for the discomfort in Susan’s listeners was that Susan was talking about a subject that is taboo, and especially with strangers. Susan did, and she was passionate about it.
Susan was passionate about it because this one incident, this one type of assault that’s routinely trivialized and ignored in our homes, in our schools, and, yes, in our courts, had shattered almost every belief that she had about the crime, who it happens to and her own ability to cope with it.
She was looking at and talking to the man when I came into the conversation.,” She was asking him.
” Of course,” he said. “But it’s my job to protect her.” All the while his companion snuggled close to him, nodding in agreement, but obviously avoiding the committee look in Susan’s determined eyes.
” But, you can’t protect her,” was Susan’s reply.
” Can’t protect her?” The very words stab into a man’s ego and the look on her target’s face told me that this was a sensitive issue and one that was not open for discussion. Because for him, and most men in general, protecting one’s loved-ones is not a possibility, it’s a given.
Susan was unstoppable. “Do you work? Because,” continued this little woman with fire in her heart, “unless you’re with her every day, all the time, you can’t even begin to say that.”.
Came Susan’s personal story of tragedy in the face of what she had held to be true for her entire life. Everything she had been taught: good girls don’t have to worry about rape, only the promiscuous or pretty girls get raped, if it does happen just give him what he wants and you’ll be fine; every belief she could think of that supported her self-assurance that ‘she’ was not and never would be a target, was shattered and crushed by the reality she had never been taught and for many women, never accepted.
She told the couple that, prior to her attacker’s brutal assault, she too held the beliefs that she was hearing from them. As Susan found out, these answers where only providing a false sense of security – security that had at its foundation not stone and mortar, but toothpicks and glue.
As Susan’s story went on, we find that the physical wounds from rape heal very quickly compared to the invisible scarring that, like seeds waiting for Springtime, lies dormant under the surface – hidden from the world – until the right time. Because, as Susan pointed out, what she didn’t know about rape combined with what she didn’t know about how her body would respond to it, caused her more hurt and suffering in the long term than the actual physical act itself.
Susan told her listeners that, she did not resist her attacker. He just wanted sex?
Susan’s story shows the truth that rape is not a crime of sex, it’s a crime of violence. And, while this is not the truth in every case, especially in date rape and rape involving college girls where the man really does want the sex and is willing to get it by force, in Susan’s case, her assailant didn’t want sex for the pleasure of sex. To a rapist, sex is a tool that, when used in this way, violates that one part of a woman’s body and her inner-self that she believes she has complete control of.
.
In part 2, you’ll get a glimpse of the aftermath of Susan’s experience, her discoveries and eventual realization that both allowed her to recover and re-introduce the family members and other male friends she had alienated back into her life. I hope you’ve been able to learn something from this story up to this point. To read part two of Susan’s story and find out how it changed me and my approach to teaching self-defense to both women and men, go here.

How can the life of one man be changed by one woman – a woman he doesn’t know – one he had accidentally encountered in a fast food restaurant nearly two decades ago? You see, this woman, we’ll call her Susan, had been the victim of rape. Unlike most victims of rape though, Susan had taken it upon herself to tell every woman – and man or men connected to her – her story, the lessons she had learned, most of all, to learn how to protect herself! I think that part of the reason for the discomfort in Susan’s listeners was that Susan was talking about a subject that is taboo, and especially with strangers. To read part two of Susan’s story and find out how it changed me and my approach to teaching self-defense to both women and men, go here.

They were martial arts teachers and they certainly taught self-defense as a part of their classes.
Now, this isn’t to say that most martial arts instructors don’t know their arts and the techniques and skills that come with them. No matter how hard they try, most self-defense instructors and martial arts will not be able to convince most adults that they know what they’re talking about without the experience to back it up. By all means, an instructor can, and should, continue to teach his particular style of martial art. They should also know this …
… no company, whether it’s a furniture store or a martial art school, stays in-business very long if it can’t give its customers what they need and want.

The most surprising statistic that most martial and karate arts teachers discover is the one that tells them “why most of their adult students quit shortly after enrolling.” The greatest percentage of adult dropouts from martial arts classes occurs within the first 100 days!
This has sparked some groups to investigate the reasons behind this phenomena. Surveys have been conducted both in the United States and in Canada. Additional inquiries may also have been conducted in places like Europe and Australia.
What the researchers found was, to them, incredible. They found that, by and large, the number one reason for adult students dropping out of their programs was …
… no real-world self-defense training early on in their training!
The researchers were stunned. They were martial arts teachers and they certainly taught self-defense as a part of their classes.
How could these adults say that they weren’t being taught real-world self-defense techniques?
Perhaps, the problem was not that “self-defense techniques” were or were not being taught. Because, even after these studies were conducted and karate programs started to “import” third-party self-defense packages into their product offering, adult dropouts remained high.
Maybe the problem was in perception. Maybe students just couldn’t see how the “stylized” movements of a centuries-old system could be applicable against a street attack against a stiletto or ‘Saturday Night Special’ -wielding assailant.
It’s certain that students were not hearing and seeing what they thought they should in order to believe that they were getting what they needed to survive such an attack. Even if these students don’t know what ‘that thing’ really looks like, their gut-level feeling was that, “this stuff isn’t going to work.”
Maybe the problem – what adult students are looking for – is in something even more crucial to learning self-defense against violent attackers. And maybe this “thing” was easier to identify by novices than by trained instructors who had been indoctrinated into sport systems.
Maybe what was lacking in all of these programs was something the real experts like to call …
… Experience!
Regardless of the subject, it’s fairly easy to see when someone has experience with the information they have, isn’t it? I mean, experience in actually applying that information to produce viable, proven results. As the old saying goes, “those who can – do; and those who can’t – teach.”
And, what adult students are looking for is someone who “can” AND “teach” others how they can.
Now, this isn’t to say that most martial arts instructors don’t know their arts and the techniques and skills that come with them. Most certainly do. And these people are very good at what they do.
; there is a huge difference between knowing how to ‘perform’ a skill – any skill – and being able to apply that skill in a particular context. And self-defense is no exception.
No matter how hard they try, most self-defense instructors and martial arts will not be able to convince most adults that they know what they’re talking about without the experience to back it up. Adult students are not children. They have seen far too much in their lives to let these less-than-able instructors slide.
And with the new threat of terrorism being added to the ever-present concern with crime, most adults have no desire to learn martial arts for purely ascetic reasons. They want – no, they demand – and rightly so, that the person they place their trust in, not to mention their very lives, knows what he or she is doing.
What’s an instructor to do if he or she lacks actual real-world experience? Should they rush right out and get into a few fights? Should they go hang out in the seedier side of town and wait to be mugged, raped, or beaten?
No, of course not. They can, like their students, go in search of real experts – people who have “been there” and who can help them learn what they need to know in order to help the people who come to them for this type of knowledge.
Of course, this may require that they suck in their pride and get a check on the old ego. As everyone knows who has been in an actual violent confrontation with a dangerous attacker, you need to “check your ego at the door” if you’re going to survive.
Teaching self-protection skills to others is a huge responsibility. And one perhaps that’s too great for a lot of people who are teaching for purely personal reasons.
There is another option available, however; just in case the primary one is totally unacceptable. If they’re not qualified, and that option is simply to …
… stop trying to teach self-defense.
By all means, an instructor can, and should, continue to teach his particular style of martial art. He should stop trying to convince intelligent, grown adults, that he knows what he’s talking about with regards to surviving a violent attack if he doesn’t.
Most martial arts instructors teach honesty as one of the major tenets and character traits of a black belt master and leader. Wouldn’t this be the “honest” thing to do?
The moral here is that, if a martial arts or karate teacher wishes to teach self-defense – if he or she wants to get and retain adult students looking for this type of training for the long-term, they really have no choice but to do what they must.
They, like every other information-based professional, are in business to provide a service. They must decide what that service is and whether or not it includes real-world self-protection against violent attackers who don’t follow the rules of fairness and respect found in martial arts schools and karate tournaments.
They should also know this …
… no company, whether it’s a furniture store or a martial art school, stays in-business very long if it can’t give its customers what they need and want. Their students and clients may never tell them that they don’t believe or trust them. Rest assured that if they’re not getting what they’ve paid for, they’re gone.
As a final thought, and one that I live by. What if, some day, “I” must depend on one of my students to protect me from a dangerous assailant for whatever reason. Wouldn’t I want to make sure that what he or she learned was really going to work?

Of all, don’t get into knife fights. I don’t care how good you are, if you’re bare handed and in street clothes, and the other guy has a combat knife, you’re at a serious disadvantage.

In Western fencing, this would be called a riposte, and it teaches you that the block automatically breaks the line of the attack and lets you counterattack immediately. Use any techniques you can to A) disable your attacker, and B) run away. You aren’t fighting fair, you aren’t fighting for points, you’re fighting to put the other guy down as fast as possible while avoiding getting hurt.

I treat martial arts somewhat as a sport and as a workout routine, but I ‘d be lying to you if I didn’t think it also had some practical utility as a self-defense technique, and a lot of the classes I teach focus on self-defense, particularly in teaching classes to teenagers and women, in particular mugger defense and knife defense.

Recently, I’ve had to give some thought into teaching knife defense. Knife defense and martial arts techniques sort of mix, and sort of don’t. Knife defense has to take a different approach.

The basic knife attack is a thrust or a slash delivered with the forward hand, sort of like a punch. Most people aren’t particularly trained at knife fighting, so they use a natural punching motion. Just like you do an inside block or outside block on a punch, you do the same thing against a guy with a knife.

Recently, I’ve had to give some thought into teaching knife defense. Knife defense and martial arts techniques sort of mix, and sort of don’t.

Of all, don’t get into knife fights. Which leads to the first principle of knife defense: You’re going to get cut.

Which leads to the first principle of knife defense: You’re going to get cut. Repeat after me: You’re going to get cut. Be prepared for it, understand that it can happen, and that it will hurt (when you’re getting cut) and hurt a lot less immediately after.

You will see the success in your life to the level in which you believe it is possible to achieve Do not be afraid of adversity and challenge, it is part and parcel of your success.

You Are Already A Success
Whether you know it or not., you have already gotten the things you have been wanting, there is nothing wrong with you, you work perfectly. The very fact that you are reading this right now suggests that you have faced hardships up to this point in time, simply because you are human.

Below are three not so common success tips towards your personal growth.

Everything is already inside of you, look around you, what do you see, this is what is going on inside of you. Change the picture if you do not see the picture of success you were hoping for. You have success today, it is just a matter of defining those areas of your life that you want more of.

You Don’t Have To Feel Good All The Time
No matter what the media tells you, feeling good all the time is not normal, one constant state of being creates illness. Given time, too much of a good thing becomes commonplace or boring. Just remember that you can’t have one without the other, yin and yang, white and black, mad and sane, hero, fool.

If you do not see the picture of success you were hoping for, change the picture. You have success today, it is just a matter of defining those areas of your life that you want more of.

Success Is No Harder Than Failing
Whether you will be a success or failure is entirely up to you but know that success is a lot easier than failing. Living in a constant state of being down and unhappy is unnecessary and very difficult, if you have the time and energy to live like that, success will be a doddle in comparison.

Success, personal growth, self development, whatever you want to call it is the dedication to self-discipline, determination and wanting what is rightfully yours – usually excellence in your chosen field.

Success is the habit that is forged in consistent daily actions, focusing on achievement of self-imposed goals. How you deal with these unforeseen circumstances will play a large part in your overall success.

The impossible of yesterday can be the commonplace of today. Nothing limits you unless you limit the means that you are using. You will see the success in your life to the level in which you believe it is possible to achieve Do not be afraid of adversity and challenge, it is part and parcel of your success.

If you haven’t achieved the desired results you were expecting to have happened by now, what have you been doing with the results of your actions up until this point in time? Have you developed your relationships with friends or life partner?

Success is the habit that is forged in consistent daily actions, focusing on achievement of self-imposed goals. How you deal with these unforeseen circumstances will play a large part in your overall success.

As for the financial success, you will need to consider putting some of your income away so that you can retire and live without having to worry about where you are going to get your next meal. You need to start thinking about your future finances so that you can reflect on yourself and feel like a success.

You are going to have to think about the ways that you are going to be affected in the future because of the success that you are having right now. You need to start thinking about your own procrastination and overcoming procrastination and your spending sins so that you can start thinking about the success that you could have in the future.

If you want to work on your procrastination and your potential success, then you not only have to look successful, but you have to health too. What is the use of having success if you can’t enjoy it! You will need to learn how to keep the body going by watching your calories and your fat intake so that you can keep your heart going strong.

Even if you use this sense of thinking for everyday things like laundry and the dishes, because for you to be a success you have to look a success and you have to feel like a success and clutter is just one of the many things that could hold your success back.

They plan and think and plan, but they never take any action for own success. You will need to take some steps so that you don’t allow procrastination to overtake your possible future success.

If you really want to stay a success or find more success you have to avoid being a perfectionist and start thinking about your own self confidence. When you take a step or a day away from business and stress you will find that your lives a lot better and find the confidence to reach for success.

If you really want to stay a success or find more success you have to avoid being a perfectionist and start thinking about your own self confidence. You need to start thinking about your future finances so that you can reflect on yourself and feel like a success.

You have to consider the fact that your success can continue far into the future, but you have to want it to. You are going to have to think about the ways that you are going to be affected in the future because of the success that you are having right now. You need to start thinking about your own procrastination and overcoming procrastination and your spending sins so that you can start thinking about the success that you could have in the future.

You are going to have to set yourself some boundaries and goals. The boundaries will actually be deadlines so that you can do things to push yourself forward. Even if you use this sense of thinking for everyday things like laundry and the dishes, because for you to be a success you have to look a success and you have to feel like a success and clutter is just one of the many things that could hold your success back.

You are an imaginative and resourceful person. These qualities are among your inheritance as a human being. Then you are bound to find more success in your professional and personal lives, if you use the qualities to take responsibility for your actions and generate new initiatives.

We want to succeed in our professional lives. Despite this desire to succeed we so often do not find success. Just what is the secret to success in our professional and personal lives?

It is easy to place the blame for our failure to succeed on the many factors that influence our lives. Assigning blame for our failures, even if we accept the blame for ourselves, will not do one thing to change our failure. If we move past the blame game and start to think proactively– better yet become proactive– then we will be on the path to success.

Many people are familiar with the term– proactive– however they simply believe it means to take action on our own initiative. Becoming a proactive person is more than simply taking action. Being proactive means that you not only take action but you also take responsibility for yourself.

In order to ensure your success you must accept your personal responsibility for your own failure and success. Do not blame others, conditions, or the past, but rather choose to respond to failure or success in a positive way.

Once you begin to take advantage of your inherently human abilities and strengths, you are bound to find success. We have the power to change ourselves and our lives. This is the true path to success.

Once you begin to take advantage of your inherently human abilities and strengths, you are bound to find success. If you use the qualities to take responsibility for your actions and generate new initiatives then you are bound to find more success in your professional and personal lives.

Remember that failure does not have to be the end of the road but can rather be the beginning of a whole new path. Then take those lessons to forge a new plan of action then you are bound to find success, if you can accept the blame for your mistakes and learn from them.

Despite this desire to succeed we so often do not find success. Just what is the secret to success in our professional and personal lives? If we move past the blame game and start to think proactively– better yet become proactive– then we will be on the path to success.

This is precisely the reason why business coaching has become a valuable skill and coaching training a valuable commodity. Business coaching makes us all better, more confident in our own skills, aptitudes, and communications.
The type of people who friends go to for advice, who see the best in others even when other people don’t; the type of people who grow frustrated when people fail to see the potential in themselves.

What is best, is that this development builds upon itself, for once a coaching skill is developed it can not help but let its influence and encouragement spread.
Coaching is about potential, learning from mistakes, building on previous success, and realizing the future. Coaching training farms this potential, and will undoubtedly bring out the best performance in any team.

Small business coaching is hot. A few years ago the only coaches anyone talked about were sports coaches. Today, PriceWaterhouseCoopers estimates that there are 30,000 business and life coaches worldwide.

Thousands of small business owners and managers turn to coaches every day to improve their personal skills and business results. You have to select the right coach.

Are you Ready?

Most small businesses owners don’t start out using a coach. They usually come to coaching when they’re ready to listen and when they need a little nudge and a little knowledge to do the right things.

Coaching is not a magic bean. You have to work at success every day. I tell my clients that “success is based on persistency and consistency, not magic.”

Coaching does not come without a price. You may even realize that you need to invest in new things for your business.

If you see coaching as an investment in yourself and your success, you’re ready for coaching. Your next challenge is to find the right coach for you.

Are you ready to listen to the things you need to hear? A good coach will ask you about things you haven’t thought of and push you to think outside the box. That’s often scary.

Are you ready to take a hard look at your business? If your business can’t deliver quality to enough people at the right price, even the best coach can’t help you. Sometimes a business simply can’t succeed because the market is too hard or too small to reach.

Rosa started her business out of her home. That’s when a friend suggested that a small business coach would help.

If you’re not ready to be helped, the best coaching in the world won’t help you. Before you go hunting for a good small business coach, answer the following questions.

A good coach may also tell you to change the way you do some things. Because it means admitting that you’ve made some bad decisions and choices, that’s hard for many small business owners.

Choosing the Coach for You

Look for a coach who’s been doing it for a while. My job as a coach is to help you know what to do, but it’s also to help you do what you know. It takes time to learn to coach well.

And, sometimes, even a great coach is not the right coach for you. Small businesses are different from big businesses and you need a coach who understands the special challenges.

It can happen for you, too. If you’re ready, if you’re willing to embrace change and if you’re willing to pay the price, a small business coach can help you become an amazing success story.

After some soul searching and some research Rosa started working with a small business coach. It wasn’t always easy, but together they found ways to help Rosa’s business grow and help her reap the benefits of success. They took her business and life to a whole new level.

Look for a coach that you’re comfortable with. If you feel any of those things, look for a different coach.

Look for a coach who won’t nickel and dime you to death. It seems to me that there are two kinds of coaches when it comes to billing.

Look for a coach who’s run a small business. Before I started coaching I built two successful small businesses. I’ve really “been there and done that” so I know what my clients are going through.

Look for a coach who’s picky. The best coaches are selective about the kind of clients they work with. We expect a lot of our clients and we limit the number of clients we work with so we can concentrate on helping each one succeeds.

Great coaches, like great chefs and great football players, are rare. And, sometimes, even a great coach is not the right coach for you. Here are some ways to evaluate coaches.

I also use coaches myself. The ones that work best for me have small business experience. Small businesses are different from big businesses and you need a coach who understands the special challenges.

A few years ago the only coaches anyone talked about were sports coaches. Thousands of small business owners and managers turn to coaches every day to improve their personal skills and business results. That’s when a friend suggested that a small business coach would help.

I think one of the best things about playing organized sports is the ability to learn the sport from a coach. He was able to relate to me in a way that helped me understand how to play the game better.

A business coach is used to help a person make their business process more successful. Do not confuse a business coach with a consultant, because a consultant is usually brought in for advice on a single project, or a few similar projects. A business coach is brought in to take a business down a path that will lead to a more successful business overall.

When trying to create a successful business, many successful entrepreneurs take this same approach. Sometimes these entrepreneurs enlist the help of a business coach. Business coaching can be used in many different ways to help a business become a successful one.

Do you remember when you were a small child and you would watch an older child play a sport, and you would think how amazing they were? As you got older you would try and play sports to do everything just like the pros. For some reason you were never able to do things just like they were able to do them.

Business coaching can help many different types of businesses including startups, corporations, small businesses, and even franchises. When critical processes are being planned, these business coaches usually have a lot of prior experience managing a business and can help to guide their employers in the right direction. Just like my old basketball coach was able to relate to me to help me better understand how to play basketball, a business coach is also there to help an entrepreneur understand how to run a business better and more efficiently.

Business coaching can help many different types of businesses including startups, corporations, small businesses, and even franchises. Just like my old basketball coach was able to relate to me to help me better understand how to play basketball, a business coach is also there to help an entrepreneur understand how to run a business better and more efficiently.

A business coach is brought in to take a business down a path that will lead to a more successful business overall.