Santa Claus coffee cup in one hand and a wagging finger toward my wife, Elizabeth, with the other. “When you retire,
Dad recently retired from 30+ years as an orthopedic surgeon and the major shift in lifestyle seems to have brought about a significant shift in his outlook on life. For me, his statement about relationships became much broader and more profound than I thought such a simple and reasonable statement could ever become.
Whether it is friendship, dating, community, marriage or family, relationships with others are a part of our everyday life. Our relationship with work, our relationship with ourselves, our relationship with our health and our relationship with our spirituality. By defining relationships from this broader perspective, our relationship list becomes almost endless.
You see, when we look at our relationships, we look at our interaction with every part of our lives; people, places, events, and things. Or, better yet, if it is “all about relationships” how are our most important relationships?
Coming from the psychotherapy world, I often helped families, couples and individuals improve personal relationships by working through a series of 5 questions. I found that these questions are applicable to all types of relationships once I broadened my definition of relationships. The questions go something like this:
- What relationships do you value most?
Be clear about what you value and which relationships are truly priorities to you. - Why do you value them?
Understanding the value these relationships have for you underscores the importance of the relationship and clarifies why a relationship “feels” important. - How do you nourish each relationship?
Now that you’ve identified how and why a relationship is important, you must define what it is that you do to keep that relationship alive and growing. - How do you maintain your commitment through the tough times?
These relationships may not necessarily be a marriage but like a marriage these relationships have their challenging times. Similar to a marital relationship, we must work through the difficult times in our other relationships rather than set them aside until a better time or just plain hope the struggles go away.
You will inevitably find that nurturing these relationships is often like a juggling act. Once we identify the key relationships in our lives and begin relating with them rather than leaving them on our “To Do” list, we will soon find that balance in life is an attainable goal and that, in fact, life truly is all about relationships.
Our relationship with work, our relationship with ourselves, our relationship with our health and our relationship with our spirituality. Or, better yet, if it is “all about relationships” how are our most important relationships?
Once I broadened my definition of relationships, I found that these questions are applicable to all types of relationships. These relationships may not necessarily be a marriage but like a marriage these relationships have their challenging times. Similar to a marital relationship, we must work through the difficult times in our other relationships rather than set them aside until a better time or just plain hope the struggles go away.
